Makeup Monday: Lip Edition, and Kera Breaks the Fourth Wall

Good morning makeup fans! I hope everyone had a nice weekend. Mine was so low-key as to be boring, and as a bonus featured a hangover, something which I was certain I had outgrown. Apparently not.

In my previous Makeup Monday post, I mentioned that I rarely wear lipstick. Although I adore lipstick, I am not the type that pays attention to my makeup once it's on, so lipstick lasts until I start drinking my tea. At seven-thirty. In the morning.  By the time it occurs to me that I should touch-up my lips, it's three o'clock and I figure, why bother?  I may have to change my ways after what happened this last Friday, however. I was wearing kind of a dressy black top to offset my jeans (hooray for casual Friday!) and on the spur of the moment put on a dark red lipstick. I never, NEVER wear red to work, because with red you really have to stay on top of it. It's such a dramatic look, and dominates one's appearance so much, it just seems tacky to not keep it neat and fresh-looking.  But this Friday I was feeling a little pale and tired, I'd been in a hurry and only had time to put on a light coat of mascara, and with the black top, I looked even more pale, so I redded things up.

I am not kidding, I had people asking me all day if I had special plans after work, because I looked so nice. So maybe there is something to this whole lipstick thing. Maybe making the effort to keep things pulled together isn't such a bad idea after all!

Despite my lipstick laziness, I am a sucker for buying new lipsticks, and therefore have a ton of them. I keep them in a basket near the front door, so I can decide which one to wear right before I go. It's a complicated decision-I factor in what I'm wearing, the amount of makeup I've already applied, (basically pairing more dramatic shades with lighter makeup, and more natural shades with heavier)and even the kind of lighting we have that day, choosing brighter shades in summer, and deeper ones in winter. In theory, the lipsticks are neatly arranged in the basket, with the color indicator stickers facing up, so I can see them all at a glance. In actual practice, the basket looks like this:

A jumble of lipsticks

Here are all the lipsticks I possess, having remembered this weekend to bring home the handful rolling around in my desk drawer, and having checked my purse for strays:

Included are three lipglosses that I never, ever wear. I can't stand the stickiness

Here's another view, showing off the color indicators:

For whatever reason (*cough*cheapskate*cough*) I seem to favor Revlon and Maybelline

And just for fun, here's a shot of my favorites. These are the lipsticks that get the most use:

Today I'm wearing Pink Peony, which is the lowermost and rightmost of the open tubes. It's from the Maybelline Colorsensationals line. Their ads, featuring a drizzle of honey falling over flower petals, convinced me to try them, and the quality of the color made me scurry right back to Target and buy several more. They are very creamy-feeling, and highly pigmented, so the color lasts a long time without feeling heavy or drying. I even like the way they're displayed in the store-they're sorted into color groups, Reds, Nudes, Pinks, and Plums. I like that, because I'm usually not looking for a specific color when I browse lipsticks--I'm thinking "Hm, I could use a nice bright color for wearing with summer dresses." With this display, I can ignore plums and nudes, and know that I'll find something in reds or pinks. That's how Coral Crush, up there in the top left corner, joined the family. My only real beef with this line, is that they have a somewhat strong scent, and it's very ...lipsticky. It's sort of a heavy cosmetic odor, not really good or bad, just very, very present. It reminds me of being a kid and looking through my grandmother's lipsticks.

Also appearing, two of the the Revlon Just Bitten stains. These are fairly awesome. They are not as long-lasting as they claim to be, but you can get away with only touching up once or twice a day with these. The color end is like a Sharpie, which makes application super easy, and the other end has a lip balm, which keeps the stain looking smooth and moist, rather than dry or sticky. The color goes on sort of translucent, but deepens as you build it.  

At top right, you will see that I have joined the cult of Honey. This is a stain/balm in crayon form, and if you try to take it from me, I will cut you. It's the perfect pink for me, it's longwearing, it's creamy, it even smells good.

Now, with no further ado, but with trembling hands, I present to you what I look like today:

In real life, I promise I am not quite so cheesy-meets-psychotic looking.

You can also see, in this picture, the reason my eyeshadow post will be short. I have very hooded eyelids, and have never figured out what to do with them. Also, those eyebrows? That's what they look like AFTER powder. 

Makeup Monday! Kinda.

I LOVE MariaMelee's idea of doing weekly makeup posts. I don't love the fact that these will by necessity be photo-heavy posts, and I am currently having camera issues. Well, camera user issues, mostly. I have a camera on my phone, which takes pictures that can only be called okay-ish, but I fail at getting cameras from the phone to the computer. I will eventually figure it out, but until then, I will make do with pictures from the internet. So you are not seeing my own personal products in this first post, and instead of showing all my makeup, I am going to focus on my daily routine.

First up, skincare:

For cleansing, I use the Olay Total Effects line. It's creamy and nice-feeling, rinses clean, and makes people gawp at me when I tell them I have an eighteen-year-old:

Photo: Walmart.com

I follow up with Olay Anti-Wrinkle Daily Moisturizer. It's lightweight and sinks in quickly, so I don't have to wait to apply makeup. Generally, I apply the moisturizer, then run to the kitchen and get a cup of coffee. By the time I'm done adding cream and Splenda, my face is ready for makeup.

Photo: Amazon.com

I haven't figured out what to do with my skin. It's oily and dry at the same time, and I have really large pores.  When I use powders, I feel like they emphasize flakiness and the lines around my eyes. Liquids and creams feel like they are sliding off and shining. Plus, I grew up in that 90's era of super matte makeup, so I have a hard time judging if something is dewy or just oily. I very rarely wear foundation. As a rule, I use foundation if I have really dark circles that day, or if I'm feeling poorly and looking pale and tired. On those days I need blush, and I feel like blush doesn't stay put if I'm not wearing foundation. I also worry that I look like I'm wearing a mask-I find foundation difficulty to apply so that it looks natural. So, I have foundation issues. Recently, I've found a product that makes me feel like I look natural and pulled together at the same time:

Photo:Target.com

I LOVE this stuff. It goes on almost invisibly, evens out skintone, hides pores, and reduces shine. It doesn't look masky, and requires almost no blending at all. It is foolproof, and I wish I had this product years ago. Would have saved me a lot of makeup based anxiety.

As I mentioned before, I almost never wear blush, so once I get my skin sorted out, it's eye makeup and done. I recently learned how to tightline my eyes, and I can't recommend it enough. You get all the benefits of wearing eyeliner, without looking like you are wearing a ton of makeup. It takes practice, it takes a steady hand, and it takes some experimentation to find the right type of eyeliner for you. I found all of my pencils to be too creamy to stay put that close to the waterline. I bought a gel eyeliner in a little pot, but couldn't seem to load the product onto the brush correctly, so it wouldn't go on smoothly. Then I stumbled onto this:

Photo: Maybelline.com

See that tip? It's like a felt-tip marker. Like a Sharpie for eyes. It's just like drawing a line on a sheet of paper. I just run the super-fine tip along the underside of my lashes, and then run it along the upper side of my lashes, and suddenly, I could skip mascara if I were so inclined. I don't, however, because despite being blessed with crazy long lashes, I was cursed with very fine, very blonde lashes. They are no-shit invisible without mascara. I use this one, in brownish-black:

Photo: Ulta.com

Notice the traditional spoolie brush. I cannot for the life of me learn to use the new plastic brushes that a lot of mascaras come with. A huge part of why I have used Full n' Soft for ten years is that the brush has not changed a bit. I also love the formula, which has a smooth, gel-like consistency that sweeps on very cleanly, and remains soft to the touch, with almost no flaking. In the non-waterproof version, anyway. The waterproof is bit more stiff, and won't allow you to build on more coats once the first coat has dried. I use the regular, non-waterproof formula, and it has great staying power. And I'm a crier, y'all.

Much like my eyelashes, my blonde eyebrows are also near invisible. I keep them plucked (sometimes waxed) into a basic thick-on-one-end, thin-on-the-other, slightly-arched shape. I use the Anastasia Brow Duo from Sephora and an angled brush to define them:

Photo: InStyle.com

I use the Ash Blonde/Taupe duo. I brush a light coat of the Ash Blonde over my entire brow, turning the brush to narrow the line, and then follow with stipples of the Taupe wherever I need extra definition or fill-in.

The whole process takes about ten minutes, start to finish, a bit more on days when I try to hurry and end up with mascara smeared beneath my lower lashes. I rarely wear lipstick, because I forget to reapply it, so it's gone the first time I eat anything. However, I am a sucker for buying new lipsticks, so there will probably be a Makeup Monday post covering lipsticks in the nearish future.

Opinions Expressed May Not Be Those of Management

I had an interesting experience yesterday. I went to lunch with a high school classmate. We weren't really close in school, but we were involved in some of the same activities, and our class was so small (36 kids) that you knew everyone no matter how much you liked them, disliked them, or were indifferent to them. Anyway, we have both since married and had children and jobs and all the other adult stuff that makes you realize how silly high school really is, so I was looking forward to the lunch, figuring that at this point in our lives we would be a lot more similar than different. I had reason to think this: our 20 year class reunion was this past summer, and that was overwhelmingly the experience, at least from my perspective. We were all older, we were all wiser, and even though we were a fairly diverse group in terms of politics and opinions, our shared history created a kind of sameness or kinship that was much stronger and much more obvious now than it was back in the days when we spent 40 hours a week or more together. Weird, but true. I left the reunion feeling a much more genuine sense of family and friendship and regret that it would probably be another 5-10 years before we all saw each other again than I felt at graduation.

Now, when I was in high school, I was in possession of the most massive inferiority complex ever known in the realms of humanity. I thought I was ugly, I thought I was fat, I thought I was ridiculous looking, I thought I was boring and awkward and strange. Looking back, I know none of this was true. I was actually quite pretty, I was lucky in terms of acne, and at 5'1 and 95 pounds I was definitely not fat. I was stocky and round-faced, and because I was so short, I always read that as silly-looking.  My family was poor, so I never had good clothes, which is a big deal at that age, so that made me less secure in myself. Add to that the problems I had at home--abuse history, broken home, being the oldest of six with an exhausted mother and an indifferent stepfather--and I was not a happy-go-lucky perky type of kid.  I was pretty good at hiding the misery, because I had learned early on that letting the misery show just resulted in a lot of awkward attention from teachers and social workers, and I wasn't interested. I just wanted to live my life, ignore my problems and hope they went away once I moved to the big city. (Spoiler Alert: They didn't.)

I was a smart kid, so I joined the Quiz team, which is kind of like competitive trivial pursuit, eventually becoming captain of the team. So now you have a short, poorly dressed nerd. Bully bait, right? Well, I got lucky there, too. While there was some picking on me, mostly by older boys, I was spared the mean girl bullshit, which, at that age, is usually much worse. Also, despite my height, I was a good athlete. I played three sports a year, so I had some jockyness to protect me. I had a boyfriend for a big chunk of my school years, so I didn't have boy anxiety to deal with. Overall, I've always thought I was kind of a middle of the road kid. Not popular, but not unpopular. Not bullied, but not completely unscathed by the social pecking order.

Now, Let's-call-her-Joanie had a slightly different experience. She was extremely religious for one thing. Her family was part of a very small, very strict protestant fundamentalist movement. She was very smart and very driven--she was obsessed with becoming valedictorian, and even when we were freshman this goal was very clear in her mind. She was pretty, but not in a way that counts in high school--she wore glasses, and because her family wasn't any richer than mine, they were cheap and unflattering and she dressed as badly as I did. She was disdainful of the rest of us, and borderline rude about her intellectual superiority. She didn't play sports, because they would interfere with schoolwork. She did participate in Quiz, which was a never-ending source of frustration to her, because she simply wasn't as good as it as she thought she was, and she was consistently passed over for a seat on the main team. She was also deeply conservative, while most of us were rather liberal, thanks to the idealism of youth, and she would say anything to win an argument. Today, she's a tea-party republican, so that should give you an idea of her conservatism.  I'm a left-leaning moderate with some conservative ideas, so I can generally get along with people of any political stripe--I just keep turning the conversation in another direction.

So, there were some differences between us, but I had always felt that our high school experiences were more similar than they were different. I saw as both as outsiders, both as girls who were not quite pretty enough, who were too smart and too socially awkward.

Apparently, I was wrong.

All through lunch, though I tried to talk about work and families and present day life, she kept turning the conversation back to high school. She commented about the slideshow we watched at the reunion, which one of the guys had put together from our graduation video and various snapshots taken our junior and senior year, mixed in with yearbook photos. It was fun, and there were a lot of jokes about our 90's era big hair. But at lunch, Joanie said she thought it kind of sucked, because it seemed like the same few people were in all the pictures. I said I could see feeling that way, that it was just like the yearbook--there's always certain people that always seem to be in the candid shots more than anyone else. She laughed and said "Well, in the slideshow you WERE one of those people. You were in a ton of the shots." I felt like this was kind of an odd statement-she was laughing, and acting like hey, no big, but there was a bitterness in her tone that made me uneasy. So, I tried to laugh it off, saying "Well, I hung around the pretty people as much as possible. I'm like some kind of photographic collateral damage-they couldn't avoid getting me in the shot." She shook her head. "No. You were one of the pretty people." Now I'm really ill at ease, so I made some kind of throwaway joke about having insecurities you could see from space.

"No. You shouldn't have. You were the smartest person in our class. You dominated Quiz, you were good at sports, you were pretty and popular and everyone loved you and you DANCED your way through high school. It was like 'The Kera Show.' "

Uh.

Um.

What? No, really. What the actual fuck?  Because I swear to you: IT WAS NOT LIKE THAT.

An awkward silence descended on our table. I finally said: "Well, I don't remember it being quite like that, but I do know that I was fairly self-absorbed. I look back now, and I wonder if everyone around me was in the same position. I know I said and did things that I feel bad about now, but didn't feel bad about then, because I just couldn't comprehend that anything I said or did would be important enough to affect anyone. I know I've been very forgiving of things that hurt me then, because I've assumed since then that the people who hurt my feelings were just like me...unsure, unhappy, and just trying to get by. I didn't think high school was the high point of my life, but I didn't dislike school either. Most of the time, I kind of enjoyed it."

She snorted. Yes, she did. "The popular ones always do."

Me: "Huh. Well. Like I said, I had my own issues that I was focused on, so..."

Joanie: "Like what? What problems could you have had? "

Me: "That's really personal. I don't want to talk about it."

I was on the verge of saying well, nice to see you, good luck in life and running the fuck away, but the food showed up at that point, and Joanie suddenly changed topics, chattering about her child and her job and her husband, telling me about a funny episode of "The Middle" that she had watched, and it was just so bizarre, that I found myself making small talk and trying to act like this was a normal, fun-filled lunch with girlfriends. I left as soon as possible, citing school pickup. At my truck, she asked me to message another of our classmates and try to set up a group activity. I said "Yeah, sure, sounds like fun, (SUCH A COWARD, OMG) well, I'll see ya later!"  And then I got the hell out of dodge.

I feel really odd about the whole thing, and vaguely guilty. I can't even explain the guilt. I just feel like I should feel bad about something, but what? I'm sorry if her high school experience sucked. Maybe I should have reached out more, but I really don't think it would have mattered. She routinely batted away any friendliness that came her way. She was too busy striving for that perfect GPA, and too busy imagining all of us sinners burning in hell while she and her father stood on Jesus' right side shouting "Yeah, Jesus!! Smite those evil bastards!! Smite 'em good!" I know this, because she didn't imagine it silently. She was pretty free with her religious opinions.  When I think of her in high school, I always picture her with a haughty expression--all of my memories of her involve her looking down on people.

Fuck, I don't know. I don't know if I did anything wrong back then. Maybe, maybe not. But really, I don't care anymore. Maybe our weird, bitter lunch yesterday got something off her chest and she'll move forward, happy and secure in the knowledge that she took me down a peg. I don't know. I do know it will be a cold day in hell before I socialize with her again.

Also, she didn't make valedictorian. She was salutatorian.

Blowin' in The Wind

So, it's been a nice, quiet couple of weeks, not much going on around here. Oh, except for the way I totally quit my job with nothing to fall back on. That happened.

I shouldn't say "nothing." I'm married, and my husband has a job, we have savings, we live fairly simply and could actually get by on those savings for a couple of months if we had to. We're not in crisis mode, at least not yet. Still, I don't think anyone would argue against the idea of lining something up before you tell your boss, "No, I can't wait around for you guys to decide if it's my word or his. I can't come in every day wondering if this is the day I get sent home at noon with a box of my stuff. This is my notice. Friday will be my last day."

Yeah. It was fun. The situation was weird, complicated in the way work stuff can be when you have a small office. The word betrayal was used several times by me, and the line "Don't forget to take the knife from between my shoulder blades before you go--you may need it again someday," may also have been delivered, also by me. It was unpleasant that last day.

But it's over, and I'm on the next phase of my life. I re-signed with a temp agency I worked with previously, and they've got an interview lined up for me next week. I found a couple of free-lance writing assignments to take on. I know, if you read this blog, you are thinking right now "Really? Someone is PAYING her to write?" It's true. I actually write pretty well when I have an assigned topic and rigid rules to follow. Husband and I decided to take advantage of the new situation. We are going to cut expenses, and strive for part-time work for me. The idea is for me to start taking some classes spring quarter, and to be more present for Erica. She's turning thirteen in a few weeks, an age at which girls become vulnerable to losing their damn minds, and I'd like to be around more, spend more time with her. When she was informed that Mom would be spending more time at home, she said "Oh, I'm just gonna LOOOOOVE that" with this dry, British sitcom delivery that was rather amusing. You should have seen her, though, yesterday afternoon when she spotted me coming up the sidewalk toward her on her walk home from school. Amber was with me, and nearly knocked Erica down, so excited was she to be taking a mid-day walk. It was nice.

Right this second, I am in the middle of the "Will I or Won't I" half-hour, the period between 8:30 and 9:00 when my agency rep could call me with a job assignment. I'm not a huge fan of not knowing whether I'm going to work on a given day, or whether I can make plans to get things done around the house and run errands, but it's better than not having any prospects at all. And it's probably only for this week. I tend to do well in interviews, so the odds are very good that I'll be back on a regular schedule soon.

I can't lie, I'm really looking forward to only having twenty to thirty hours a week. It's been nice having time to exercise without having to rush around to fit it in, it's been nice to fix dinner at a leisurely pace, and the house is cleaner than it's been in the last five years. Which is still not VERY clean, but hey, drops IN the bucket, right? Like anything else, I'm sure part-time stay at homing will start to feel like a grind, and if I add school into the mix, I'll be just as busy, if not busier, than I was with a full-time job, but I'm really enjoying this, right this second, and I refuse to wreck this moment of peace with worrying about what may be.

It's 8:59. I think I'm gonna be staying home today.

Social Secrets

 I love social media- blogs, Twitter, Facebook. I get a real kick out of being in touch with people all over the world, people I went to school with, people who I would never know otherwise. I like seeing viewpoints that are completely different than my own, having what I consider "normal" to be challenged by the normal of others, and I love finding out that I am really not as strange and unlikeable and just generally different as I've always thought.  It's nice knowing that almost everyone has ambivalent thoughts about parenthood, that everyone has stood by a crib at 3 a.m. whisper-screaming "What do you want? What could you possibly want? PLEASE just go to SLEEP!!"  I like feeling like I'm a part of something bigger, part of a community, and I don't have to worry about what I'm wearing, or whether my hair is doing that thing it does, because there's a computer screen between us.

Unfortunately, I married a man who does not share this viewpoint. To him, the internet is a tool for figuring out how to get to a place he's never been, and a way to shop for birthdays and Christmas without ever having to encounter a human being.  He is extremely private. Woe betide the friend who posts a picture on Facebook that includes my husband. He will never forgive you for that. He despises Twitter, and thinks blogs are stupid. "Who needs that much attention?" He asks. "Who is that unconcerned about security that they can post their lives on the internet for the whole world to see?"

The biggest issue in our relationship (to me, anyway) is that I can not tell him, "I need more." I need girlfriends, or a convincing simulation thereof. Don't get me wrong; I have girlfriends. A couple. But I don't have close friendships with anyone. I don't feel safe showing myself. I don't like to open up and be intimate with anyone other than him. I do trust him completely. But to him, that's all I should need, and sometimes, I just need more. But I've spent so much time holding everyone else at arm's length that I can't bring myself to reel them in.  And to add to the problem, he doesn't need more. He has me, and he's completely, totally, wide open and vulnerable to me, and he just doesn't need anyone else. So I feel guilty. Because he's giving me all this, and I'm giving him all I have, and he's happy with that, but I'm not. I feel like there's no way to share that with him without hurting his feelings. And I'm terrified that telling him this will be the first brick in a wall between us.

So, this blog, my twitter feed--they are secrets. He knows about my Facebook. I have too many friends that are also his friends or co-workers to keep that from him. I think about telling him about the blog, but never about Twitter. He just doesn't get Twitter, and he never will, so why go down that road? And the blog...well, if he knew about it, he would want to read it, and if he was reading it, I would censor myself--not consciously, I don't think, but I would feel like I was being watched, and I would guard myself accordingly.

The best blogs I read, the ones that make me laugh and cry and feel a part of the blogger's life, are the ones that are unspeakably honest. That tell it, warts and all, without holding back. I feel like, if I'm going to write, there's not much point in it if I don't do the same. And I can't do it if he's watching. So, secret.

Is it a lie? Am I cheating him out of a portion of the intimacy and honesty I owe him? I don't know.  The fact that I want to shy away from that question is probably an indication that yes, it is a lie, and yes, that's exactly what I'm doing. But right now, at this moment in my life, I need an outlet. I need this outlet.

And from a purely practical standpoint, I need the practice. I used to be a pretty good writer. It turns out, that's a perishable skill. I'd like to get it back. If I put something out there with my real name and my real self, and someone criticizes it, I would lose my resolve and quit. Right now, I need to be anonymous, to build up my courage and toughen my skin and learn that not everyone is gonna like me, not everyone is gonna agree with me, and that's FINE. It is okay. But I'm not there yet. I will be... someday.

Now that no one cares...

Thanks to Maria for encouraging me to join this meme...Here's her take on this topic:   MommyMelee

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?

 I started a twitter account and a blog. There are several blogs I've read for years, and many of them feature their twitter feed. For years, I've been reading these blogs, and the comments, and the bits of twitter that were shared on the blog, and I've wished I was part of the conversation, to steal twitter's tagline. This year, something finally clicked, and I realized that the only way to be a part of it was to join it--it's not like people could see me standing on the edge of the group and invite me in, after all.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I didn't make any resolutions last year. I did make a couple for the coming year. I would like to walk one thousand miles over the course of the year. I would like to be more active as a commenter on the blogs I read, and I would like to blog at least once a week. Some of these things are more likely than others.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not any one really close--a former friend that I don't really hang out with anymore and his wife had a daughter. I didn't get a chance to meet the kid til December, and she was born in March. She didn't like me any more than her mother does. 

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not any humans. My five year old dog unexpectedly became very ill and had to be put to sleep. I was devastated, and actually had panic attacks for a few months afterward--I would suddenly be reliving the moment he went into a seizure, or the moment his heart stopped against my hand, and would burst into hysterical sobs. I still feel like a huge chunk is missing from my life, and I miss him every day. I feel kind of bad for Amber--I like her a lot, and I'm kind to her and fuss over her and play with her, but I always feel like she can't step into Jack's pawprints, and that a huge part of my heart remains dark with his missing presence.

5. What countries did you visit?

My feet did not leave U.S. soil this year. My feet didn't even leave Washington soil this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?

Willpower. I'm tired of the way I always find a reason that it's ok to slack off on something I need to work at. I need to eat better, because I don't feel healthy now, and I need to exercise, for the same reason.
Energy to do more with my kids before they are gone--my oldest turns 18 in a couple of weeks, and in a few months will be at Basic Training, and my daughter is 12, and already getting a little eye-roll happy around me.

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I am really bad at matching up dates with events. I have a tendency to remember that something momentous/sad/terrifying/joyous happened "oh, Fall-ish, 2012, or maybe 2011....Actually, it might have been in the Spring..."  Right this minute, December 14 is very much on my mind, but although I know I'll always remember and always grieve for the deaths in Connecticut, knowing how my mind works, I think the date will fade, and I'll remember it as "Sometime around Christmas."

I think I'll remember 12/21/2012, for all the fuss and snark and general silliness surrounding that date.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

See, if I could skip any question, it would be this one. I feel like this was just an off year for me--like I was just letting time pass this year. I didn't really accomplish anything--I got a job I wanted at work, but it was a lateral move in terms of pay and status, so it doesn't really feel like an achievement.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I really didn't have any, although that's more a measure of how little I challenged myself last year than anything else.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing major- a few sinus infections, a few migraines.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

It's silly, but our Wii. Now I can stream Netflix, which makes me very happy.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Honestly? My own. My teenaged son decided that my rules were bullshit and wanted to move in with his father. I was extremely upset by this, but I maintained a calm demeanor, I didn't let him goad me into a dramatic reaction, and I didn't point out to him that he would end up in the same position with his father. I let him move. I hear his father's rules are bullshit as well. 

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

On a personal level, I didn't have to deal with any truly bad behavior. Everything about last year's politics left me depressed.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Rent and groceries, as always.  There were also a couple of depressingly large dental bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Adopting Amber and Snow, rescue dog and cat, respectively. I would add a pet to the family every year if my husband would let me. (He won't.)

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?

"Call Me Maybe" and "Somebody That I Used to Know" seemed to be playing every time I turned on the radio. There really wasn't a song that really jumped out at me this year to become a new favorite.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? About the same--maybe slightly sadder. I sometimes feel a little blue about how far away youth seems every year, and how sometimes it feels like my horizons narrow a bit more each year.

b) thinner or fatter? Fatter, I'm afraid. Hopefully the thousand mile walk plan will help with that.

c) richer or poorer? Ummm...about the same. Maybe slightly richer, since we got a lot more disciplined about savings.  Neither of us had a raise in pay or hours, but we put away a lot more last year than in previous years, so we are in a better position.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
We bought baseball gear and tennis gear this summer. I wish we'd played outside a bit more.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

I wish we had spent fewer weekends doing tv marathons. We had a lot of fun, hanging out on the couch and snacking while we re-watched Buffy and the West Wing, and Firefly, but I think it would have been nice to be a bit more active.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

We opened presents with the kids on Christmas Eve, then had dinner with my sister in law. After dinner, the kids went to their dad's house, and Husband and I opened our presents and watched "A Christmas Story." Christmas day, we lounged around watching the Die Hard movies and the George C. Scott version of "A Christmas Carol."

21. Did you fall in love in 2012?

I continue to be in love with Husband...does that count?

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Game of Thrones, with The Walking Dead close behind.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nope. I don't really have any enemies. I try to get along with everybody.

24. What was the best book you read?

Ooh, that's another one for the "wish I'd done more of" question above. I hardly did any reading this year of new material. I re-read the Jeeves and Wooster books, which is always a worthwhile use of one's time.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Didn't have one. My attachment to Pink has gotten deeper, however.

26. What did you want and get?

I'm drawing a blank for this question and number 27. I really didn't want anything this year. I have tons of books, enough clothes and shoes, a huge video library, and a Kindle Fire for material goods. For non-material goods, everyone I love is healthy and happy, the cats are fat and sassy, and the golden dog constantly has her head on my knee. My husband loves me, and I him, and we can't get enough of spending time together.

27. What did you want and not get?

Oh, I thought of an answer for this one. I really want one more child before my eggs give up the ghost. My husband does not. It's not a huge dramatic thing--I know another child doesn't really make sense for us, so I tacitly agree with him. But my bio clock is making like Marisa Tomei on an emotional level.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

The only current release I saw this year was "The Hunger Games," so it wins by default. I haven't had a chance yet to see "Les Miserables," but I'm betting it will win.
My favorite show was "Wicked."

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 37. We went out for lunch at my favorite restaurant, where I ordered my favorite dessert. Then we met up with about 15 friends at a local pizza joint that does karaoke, and closed the place down.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I don't know how to answer this...it's a weird question. Pass.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?

Hahahahahaha...ummm..."It was on sale."

32. What kept you sane?

White wine, and lots of it.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I really didn't get into any pop culture this year.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Women's issues, for sure. The fact that we still have very primitive attitudes toward women in this world was a source of constant frustration to me. 

35. Who did you miss?

After attending my class reunion, I realized I'd really been missing my three high school besties. It was so fun to see them again, we were pretty much attached at the hip through the whole reunion, and it was really sad to say goodbye. We'll try to see each other again, but we all have jobs and families and we live hundreds of miles apart, so realistically, it could well be Reunion 30 before we meet again. We've got Facebook, though, so it's not too bad.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

The partner of one of my dearest friends. They've since broken up, unfortunately, but J has stayed in our circle. He's a super sweet guy, Einstein level smart, and very generous with the dinner parties.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.

Really, this year felt like a placeholder for me. I felt like I was standing still while the world moved around me. I didn't really advance in life from where I was last year. Maybe that's my lesson--life is short, and perhaps I shouldn't be wasting any of it.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Bon Jovi, "Who says, you can't go home?" I went home for a class reunion, and it was awesome. Then I came home to my family, and it was even better.

Funky Bits and Pieces

The first day of my vacation this year was 12/22. The last day is 1/1. I am bored out of my mind, irritable, and generally gloomy. It's not that I want to be at work, because oh hell no, but I want to be somewhere that isn't here. Maybe it's just post-Christmas blues. I feel like I don't have anything to look forward to, now that the long-anticipated time off is here. I guess I can start looking forward to taking time off this summer, but it would be nice if there was something a little sooner.

                                                               *****

I wish I had known before I married him that he considers travel a curse. We were somewhat broke when we first got together, so the idea of travel never really came up--we didn't have the money to go anywhere. Now we could afford a weekend getaway, at least, but he's not interested.  Dammit, I want to watch TV from the bed, shower in a marble lined enclosure, bathe in a Jacuzzi tub and sleep on 800 thread count sheets.  He wants to work on various home improvement things around the house, none of which will actually fix any of the things about the house that I hate, such as the worlds smallest galley kitchen and the single, tiny, bathroom.

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I shouldn't be writing today; I'm not fit company.

                                                                 *****

I'm hoping to see Les Miserables this week. I've seen the stage show three times now, and participated in a couple of college/community theater versions of it. I know every line of female dialogue perfectly, and most of the male. Wake me from a sound sleep and cue me, I'll answer correctly. I've heard mixed reviews, from awesome to awful, so I'm a little worried I'll be disappointed. However, I tend to be easily entertained.  It'll probably thrill me, and launch me on a campaign to see the stage show again.

                                                                   *****

Christmas was nice, of course. It always is. The kids were with us for Christmas Eve. We did presents and pumpkin cheesecake and eggnog, before heading to my sister in law's for dinner. We had a spectacular meal, featuring the opening of yet more presents, and far too much bread pudding and sparkling wine was consumed. I didn't get the kids dropped off at their dad's until nearly midnight. Husband and I went home, put on A Christmas Story and opened our gifts. The highlights for me were two pounds of See's candies and a starship Enterprise pizza cutter. I was also ridiculously pleased by a tiny stuffed Cthulhu. A tiny stuffed winged Cthulhu.

                                                                   *****

I don't really do New Year's Resolutions; it's far too disappointing to fail at clearly stated goals. But I'm going to make an exception this year. I want to walk/run one thousand miles this year. This will exceed the 25 miles I managed last year. I also want to tweet at least once a day, and blog at least once a week. Along those lines, I also mean to comment at least once a week on each blog that I read. I feel a need for more human contact, even if it's mitigated by being electronic contact.